When we think of a pioneer, we often conjure up images of success, triumph, or statued figures that take the spotlight in our history books. Or perhaps modern innovators and business people looking poised and polished on the front cover of Time Magazine as if they just waltzed into glory without a scratch or a bruise.
Yet this is hardly an adequate representation of the true experience of pioneerhood.
What they don’t tell you is that being a pioneer can be hard, lonely & messy because you’re most often wandering through unchartered territory without any guidance or even any guarantee of finding home.
Some may be lucky enough to have a mentor or a book they can turn to for support. But for many, our only companion is the inner compass of our heart and the whispers of our soul.
I know this road from experience.
I am the first woman in my lineage to break free of many core beliefs and wounds that previously defined who I was, what I could achieve, how I am valued and where I belong.
I am the one that said “this ends with me”.
I am the one that refuses to let sexual trauma be carried down my red thread any further (*red thread refers to our female blood line)
I am the one that refuses to let body shame and blood shame be carried by my future generations.
I am the one that refuses to believe that my worthiness is dependent on my clothing size or how I measure up to cultural beauty standards.
I am the one that refuses to accept that my fertility and sexuality is a threat or an inconvenience.
I am the one that refuses to believe that abundance and success is only available for lucky, trauma-less people or those from a wealthy upbringing.
I am the one that refuses to suppress or shame my emotions and perpetuate the social narrative that vulnerability and realness equals weakness.
I am the one that refuses to let my personal triggers dictate how I see the world and other people.
These unconscious negative programs have dictated so many beliefs & behaviours of our culture, and yet, they stop with me.
I will leave no stone unturned until I am free.
I will boldly venture where no one has gone to unchain myself from the intergenerational stories that limit my fullest potential
I will practice eagle eye awareness to discern whether a pattern is really for my highest good
I will enter into the arena armed with nothing but my wild heart and integrity.
It is painful to go deep within and sit with my core wounds, stories and traumas though? – FUCK YEAH IT IS! It’s not easy or pretty to look at how these scars effect how I communicate with others, how I value my body, how I behave in the world or even how I relate to food or money. There is no quick fix despite how much I cry for clarity either.
At times, it can even feel like I’m going backwards when my body reveals the next layer of healing that I must attend to.
But it’s also relieving to realise that none of these beliefs are actually mine. Many of them may be centuries old and were simply passed down through the confines of the cultural norms of that time. Sometimes, carrying the stories of so many others can feel like a burden of responsibility but mostly it makes them much easier to let go of. For example, rather than judging my negative association around external beauty and my worthiness of love, I have empathy for the women who lived this reality in the past and transferred this belief to me with the original intention of survival and protection. During that time, women had no rights and their social survival was literally dependent on a man so if you weren’t ‘pretty’ or ‘attractive’ enough, you risked your existence within the old paradigm.
See how this works? See how this underlying belief still dictates our modern behaviour despite being formed centuries ago? And see how it continues to be transferred down in our nervous system and psyche generation by generation until somebody consciously pulls the plug?
I imagine this is why Christmas & family celebrations can be incredibly challenging because we are constantly confronted with old belief systems that may have kept our relatives safe in the past, but we have personally worked so hard to let go of because they do not serve our pioneering vision for the future. It can also be difficult to see our loved ones operating in the paradigm of their childhood without an awareness of an alternative possibility. Neither way is right or wrong of course, they are just different. Both containing their own languages, behaviours and perceptions of the world. Hence why so many people struggle to feel adequately heard or understood by their own family. It’s like trying to communicate across different realities or timelines.
So I know what you’re wondering....
Is it actually worth it?
Otherwise why on earth would we voluntarily put ourselves though so much torment?
Unfortunately I can’t give you a straight yes or no.
Because the real answer to this question depends on how much your value freedom.
How much do you value living life on your own terms and experiencing the fullness of who are you without the weight of your own beliefs holding you back? How much to you value a life of authenticity and walking your true path by claiming and owning the gifts you have to offer the world at this unprecedented time – no matter who might be offended or triggered by the unapologetic brightness of your light? How much do you value the opportunity to shape the new paradigm of our planet towards love and Truth?
So for me, is it worth it?
Absolutely beyond measure.
Is it worth those isolating moments amidst the swampy darkness of my psyche where I don’t really know if I’m still swimming or drowning?
It is when you know that all healing and transformation occurs from this place and only this place.
No pressure, no diamonds.
No mud, not lotus.
No grit, no pearl.
No death, no rebirth.
This is the universal pattern.
In fact, the strength of a butterfly’s wings depends solely on its struggle to break out from the binding clasps of its cocoon and if someone frees it prematurely, it won’t be able to fly.
This is the heroine and heroes’ journey.
This is the true story of the pioneer.
Whose dirt and scar covered face knows that the flight of freedom is always worth it.
Who knows their efforts go beyond their individual benefit and have the power to change the world as we know it.
Who trust that the dawn only follows the darkest night of the soul.
So for all the pioneers out there, you are not alone - I feel you, I see you and I honour you!